A Letter to my HIV:

Hey guys,

I have a friend that isn’t really dealing with their HIV very well. And he asked me to help him, so I asked him if he has written a letter to his HIV yet? Okay this may sound funny, stupid and even weird, but it's a good way to deal being HIV positive. Some people (like my friend) have a lot of anger towards the virus or the person that has given them the virus. And this is a good way of letting some of the anger out without hurting yourself or anybody. He asked me if I had ever written a letter myself and I said no. I have never had any feeling towards to person that given me this and after reading this letter you will see why. So here it is my letter to my HIV, It’s a bit raw and honest, but here we go.


Dear HIV,

How’s it going? I wish I knew your name then I would be able to address this letter to you personally. But as I don’t, I can’t, so this will have to do.

It’s coming up to a year that we have known each other, and what a year it has been. There have been more up’s then downs which is really good for me, being I was told that the first year is the hardest to get use to you and having you in my life.

I guess you can say we are a team now. But I have made a promise to myself that I will not give this to anyone so you are just going to be stuck with me I’m sorry to say. I should give you a name, well I think I will call you the hiv, along the lines of the cat and the dog. Like something I don’t really want but I have you for the rest of my life and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it!! J

I really wish I knew the date that we become one. It would make things a lot easier. I really don’t know how long I have had you inside me, and I find that makes me a bit sad. I think it was early morning on the August 28th, 2005 after going out for my birthday with friends, at the end of the day I’m really not sure. It would be nice if I knew the date. I think I feel the way that I do because if it is the date I am thinking about, it was only a stupid mistake. And if I ever saw that guy again, I would have a few words to say.

I haven’t really had to deal with the” why me” side of you yet. And I know that one day I will have too, because it just natural to I think. But I must have done something wrong to piss off someone out there in the universe to have a personal relationship with you!! Or I just got the short straw on this one. No matter which one it is, I don’t mine. I am stronger to deal with you. I feel great. I haven’t missed any of my med’s for the past 6 months.

If I am honest with you, I would like to go back to that night and relive it, just so I know what to feel because when it comes to you I really don’t know how I should be feeling. I don’t know if I should be mad at me and/or that guy? Should I feel upset? Should I be unhappy? I really don’t know, and I wish I did. It makes me very happy when my Aunt said to me that she is proud of me, can’t think what for. But it puts a smile on my face when she tells me. I say let the healing begin.

I really had so much to say too you but now that I am writing it down I can’t really find the words for what I want to say. I am happy, I have a really good life, I have some really amazing friends and family (you know who you are), and the biggest thing is I’m alive and healthy and that is the key thing at the moment. My friends have saved my life, a year ago there was this space between me and everyone in my life, it’s still there don’t get me wrong. But it is nowhere near as big as what it was. And I hope the people that are in my life really know how much they mean to me. I mightn’t say it as often as I should but I am very thankful for them being a part of my life.

I guess there are a lot of things that hurt me about this, but I must say a big thank you to you. Because you have made me so much stronger now then what I was before. And that is one of the best things I have gotten from you. I am more of an adult now because I’m not going to share you with any one that doesn’t know you the way I do!!!

I’m sure I will write you another one of these letters sooner or later. But until then I will say this: - in the 2nd year I am going to take me life back. It shall be fun, I will say that much!! Lol

Love

AGJ