I don’t know if it is just me, but the older I get the more I think about my childhood. It really was the best time of my life. I had no responsibility what so ever. I went to school, came home, played with my friends and family, and at one time or another I hated my parents but it never lasted long. I didn’t have to work (and by work I mean really work, like earn money to live!!) well maybe doing something around the house or cleaning my room. When I look back on it, I didn’t have to do much at all.
I found myself today thinking back to when I was a child if there is anything I would change. I’m sure the answer for most of us would be YES!! Don’t get me wrong I had a great childhood. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but the a few I did have I still talk to now thanks to face book and other networking sites on the web. But the thing I don’t get is when you’re back in school there are a few people that would never talk to you, and now a days it like they’re your best friend. It’s like fuck, you didn’t speak to me when I was at school so why are you doing it now!!!
And another thing is only about 6 members of my family know that I am HIV positive too - my Mother, Father, Auntie Carmen, Auntie Hooky, Fiona and Sam. Well it will be the talk of the family now because I have attached my blog to my face book, nothing like causing a bit of shit!! And I have a few friends that I told as well, Peter, and Estea. I guess I would have told more but it’s something you can’t say in an email, can you. I don’t think I would have known what to say it to be honest with you. I’m open about it, but it just isn’t spoken of if you know what I mean. Maybe they’re ashamed that I am HIV positive. I don’t really care myself. Shit happens. My friends in the UK all know. I’m very open about it with them. It is one of the first things I say if I am getting to know someone. My Auntie is proud of me when it comes to my HIV, don’t really know why.
Anyway I’m getting off track again. Crap. Where was I, childhood that’s right? I have thought of 10 things I would go back and tell myself when I was say I don’t know 13/14 years old. And here they are:
1. You’re going to be offered a job very soon in your life. Don’t take it. There is more to life.
2. Go to University, you will be very thankful that you did.
3. Just come out already everyone knows!!! Really everyone has known since you where 5!
4. Don’t come out to Samantha first. You don’t get the answer you really want.
5. You’re going to meet a guy, he is going to be the one, don’t fuck it up!!!
6. If you get the offer to go to the UK, Take it!!! Before you come over just do it.
7. Get into Art more. You do like it!!! No matter what anyone has to say about the matter.
8. Don’t ever date a girl!! At all. Ever. Never! I can’t stress this to you!!!
9. I really can’t stress number 8. Don’t ever date any girls. Trust me it will not end nice.!!!
10. Spend more time with your family. It’s fucking big enough.
So that’s it, 10 things I would go back and tell myself if I could. What are yours? Put them in the comments. I didn’t think it would help, but it really does just by writing them down. I guess a part of me also wants to go back and just give myself a good slap around the face, because it would be fun. lol
I’m going to give vblogs a go sooner or later. So watch for them. It will be funny because I just fucking hate talking into a camera because I have to edit it, and I really don’t like the way my voice sounds.
I really wish I had a really good coming out story. My coming out wasn't that flash but I will sure it one day soon. It's okay. Untill I spoke to Samantha about it and she crushed my bubble!!!
Showing posts with label Friends/Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends/Family. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Reflection: The last year of my life!
I have been finding myself of late reflecting on the past year. It’s coming up to 12 months from when I was diagnosed as being HIV positive. The last year has been anything but smooth I can say. I was very very sick this time last year. I was in Hospital for 3 weeks, about to move, and in general just felt like shit.
I was lucky my auntie was over from Australia, because that helped me a lot. It was bad news, don’t get me wrong. It didn’t tear my life apart as much as I thought it would. I went on a bit of a down wood turn around August, but that is only because I think that is when I may of become infected years ago (word of warning Late August to early September isn’t a good time for me!!).
I have been thinking about the upcoming date and wondering if I would be at the same place as I am now if things were different? I must admit I owe so much to my friends; Pete, Boo, Nigel, Colin and Ste who have been lifesavers although I don’t really speck to Boo much anymore. But I did let him know that I was very thankfully for the time we spend together, and everyone else I have told. And there is Nana who would come over every night after she finished work to make sure I was okay. I think she use to worry because I was living myself at the time. And a few other friends I use to talk to but I have grown apart or they have gone back home, or many other different reasons.
I truly do think that I wouldn’t be at the place I am now in my life if it wasn’t for my friends and my Aunt. And I do think that it is all I really need. Fuck I still haven’t had “The Phone Call” from my Mother and Father about being HIV+, although being it’s coming up to a year I really don’t think it is going to happen. But I’m not bothered as it just puts thing more clearly in my mine. Or maybe they can’t deal with it. It’s funny, it’s not their battle or problem to deal with its mine. And I’m doing fine with it. The score is: me 5, HIV 2 lol. I’m still ahead and fighting strong.
But this coming year is going to be even better. I have the Crusaid – Walk for life, and a bit of work in the community with different HIV Charities and Local Groups and that will be fun. I gave a helping hand at the Oxford and Cambridge boat race late last month. So that was cool. But you know what the best thing is, I’m alive and I am healthy, that is the main thing and everything else will just fall in to place. J Who knows who I will meet this year, friends come and go but true friends stay a live time.
I was lucky my auntie was over from Australia, because that helped me a lot. It was bad news, don’t get me wrong. It didn’t tear my life apart as much as I thought it would. I went on a bit of a down wood turn around August, but that is only because I think that is when I may of become infected years ago (word of warning Late August to early September isn’t a good time for me!!).
I have been thinking about the upcoming date and wondering if I would be at the same place as I am now if things were different? I must admit I owe so much to my friends; Pete, Boo, Nigel, Colin and Ste who have been lifesavers although I don’t really speck to Boo much anymore. But I did let him know that I was very thankfully for the time we spend together, and everyone else I have told. And there is Nana who would come over every night after she finished work to make sure I was okay. I think she use to worry because I was living myself at the time. And a few other friends I use to talk to but I have grown apart or they have gone back home, or many other different reasons.
I truly do think that I wouldn’t be at the place I am now in my life if it wasn’t for my friends and my Aunt. And I do think that it is all I really need. Fuck I still haven’t had “The Phone Call” from my Mother and Father about being HIV+, although being it’s coming up to a year I really don’t think it is going to happen. But I’m not bothered as it just puts thing more clearly in my mine. Or maybe they can’t deal with it. It’s funny, it’s not their battle or problem to deal with its mine. And I’m doing fine with it. The score is: me 5, HIV 2 lol. I’m still ahead and fighting strong.
But this coming year is going to be even better. I have the Crusaid – Walk for life, and a bit of work in the community with different HIV Charities and Local Groups and that will be fun. I gave a helping hand at the Oxford and Cambridge boat race late last month. So that was cool. But you know what the best thing is, I’m alive and I am healthy, that is the main thing and everything else will just fall in to place. J Who knows who I will meet this year, friends come and go but true friends stay a live time.
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